The Knicks Fan Survival Guide to the NBA Finals

In Phil We Trust

It seems the only thing the sports media elites like more than LeBron James’ schedule, and Steph Curry’s daughter Riley, has been burying the New York Knicks.  Well grab your bags Knicks fans because we’re rising like a phoenix from the ashes to enjoy the NBA Finals like well-adjusted sports fans.

Number One: Phil Jackson was right to low ball Steve Kerr.  Steve Kerr, who had never coached an NBA team before, and traded for Shaquille O’Neal essentially ruining the 7 Seconds or Less Phoenix Suns teams wanted $22 million over 4 years.  Get LAWST. 

Steve Kerr through the first four games has largely been out-coached by LeBron James with Mark Jackson’s players.  Can you even trust a coach who isn’t comfortable lying to the media about his strategy?  The New York media is ruthless, and if Kerr feels this uncomfortable lying, how would he have fared in The Garden?  In Phil We Trust. In D-Fish We Trust.  Who cares Derek Fisher didn’t know the time-out rules this year? At least he helped Langston Galloway reach All-Rookie Second Team.

Number Two: Phil Jackson was correct in trading JR Smith and Iman Shumpert for virtually nothing. All we’ve heard about for weeks is: “Can you believe all the former Knicks in the playoffs? What was Phil Jackson thinking?” Phil Jackson is an NBA Hall of Famer with 13 championship rings between his playing and coaching career. Secondly, JR Smith and Iman Shumpert are “thriving” in the Finals to the tune of a combined 14 PPG, and they’re both shooting less than 30%.  They are the two best players on a roster that carries the corpses of Shawn Marion and Mike Miller.  Timofey Mozgov and Matthew Dellavedova play major minutes and contribute on this Cleveland Cavaliers team.

David Lee has nothing to do with the current Knicks brass, and all the other players Phil traded are sitting at home too.  Get outta here with your nonsense.  In Phil We Trust.

Number Three: Carmelo Anthony just purchased a Puerto Rican soccer club and acted in a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Movie so knee rehab must be going swimmingly.  Carmelo Anthony’s number one priority is basketball. Now sure, Carmelo designs a line of hats, and acts in bit parts, plays 30 minutes in exhibition games before having a knee surgery to end his season, but basketball is always number one for him.  If he’s looking this strong in rehab to be acting and signing major deals he must already be recruiting top tier free agents to come play with him.

Don’t buy into the sports media elites telling you that a max player with other interests and one good knee won’t attract top tier talent to play second fiddle to him.  That’s ridiculous and the people saying that should feel ridiculous. In fact, they should be forced to wear red clown noses on the set of their newscasts.  In Melo We Trust.

Knicks fans. We have taken a lot of garbage from everyone this year and this postseason.  We don’t deserve it.  Phil Jackson, Derek Fisher, and Carmelo Anthony are playing chess while guys like Steve Kerr plays checkers.  It doesn’t matter if we have a plan or not, as long as we believe.  That’s Zenmaster 101.  If we believe in the Larry O’Brien Trophy, it will come.  In Knickstape We Trust.